No memory of the conversation, meet Tyler Presnell

I didn't know him before. I didn't know him during. I met Tyler Presnell after.

The moment that marks the 'after' point in Tyler Presnell's life was a vehicle collision that occurred when he was 14-years old. The misjudgment of a teenage driver slammed Presnell's side of the car into a telephone pole. His sister crawled out of the car. His twin brother took off running and collapsed when the resulting hyper-adrenalin surge maxed out his ability to function.

Crumpled inside the car, Presnell could only moan, moments he doesn't remember. Memory he might trade, if the trade-off meant the reversal of his incurable inability to remember the thing he just said.

Tyler Presnell and Tai Telford

Last year, Presnell and I spent Saturday mornings with his girlfriend Tai in a coffee shop.

He'd discovered my phone number on the internet, placed a call to me between speaking gigs, mentioned he couldn't believe he had remembered to call me, and asked for my help.

I knew who he was. I'd read this article in the local paper. It stuck in my head because I'm a mom. There's a teenager in the house. I considered whether my teenager has the fortitude to resist peer pressure, the one thing that could have saved Presnell from waking up from a coma and discovering he was a 14-year old baby who had to relearn everything he took for granted: walking, talking, feeding himself.

I agreed to help get him started developing an online presence. The three of us mapped out a plan to create a blog, some social media accounts and some simple, simple steps that would get him closer to creating a speaking career that would allow him to get his story in-front of the audience who needs to hear it, young drivers.

My career took an unexpected direction when I decided to change jobs. My extra time evaporated into other responsibilites. I realized I would have with less and less moments to work on my heartfelt pro bono project, and I put Presnell in touch with others who we felt might be able to take him through the next steps. Now he has a website, more speaking engagements,more opportunities, more friends,' but some things are the same.

Presnell remains plagued by constant pain, half of his right leg is still paralyzed and he continues to struggle with memory due to the brain injury he sustained in the collision.

He's so real. He has real struggles, he makes real choices--less life or more life, and he also has real influence, but it all comes one-on-one and no amount of social media, internet SEO, or fancy online gyrations will replace the personal conversation with the man who lived to tell the story.

The story isn't about compassion or feeling sorry for his situation, his message is to stop being self-centered. His message is to start to respect each other on the road. It's not about us getting to where we need to go, it's about all of us arriving safely.

Drive friendly, today.

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Tyler Presnell's Foundation.
Tyler Presnell speaks to Congress.
Tyler Presnell podcast, on couv.com.
Tyler Presnell raps on respect, seriously, YouTube (and below).

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When the customer can't be consoled, console the employee

UPDATE II: Renbor Sales Solutions Inc. featured this post on their website The Pipeline. Thanks, Tibor Shanto, for sharing!

UPDATE I: City of Gresham shared this post on their intranet site, as reported here. Thanks, Laura, for sharing!

"I can hear the frustration in your voice," said Sarah, to an upset customer. "And I'm not sure what else to say."

Sarah, a sales representative who worked for me, plopped down in my office to relate a frustrating phone call she had just concluded with one of our customers, Darren.

The experience had left her drained, and she needed to update me, in case Darren decided to take the conversation up a notch and call me. Sarah also needed to process the experience and troubleshoot if she could have done something different, done something better, uncovered the trigger that drove the customer to phone in the first place.

It was an exasperating experience.

As I listened to the retelling, I wondered how the customer kept up his griping gyrations in the face of such calm and respectful treatment. Sarah was a pro. She didn't give up and she didn't go for platitudes that often annoy.

But she couldn't get Darren past generic grievances.

There are times when we would like to move a conversation out of complaint mode and straight into resolution. We're presented with a problem. We believe we have an answer. We want to offer our input and reach resolution, but the other party isn't quite there, yet.

This exchange wasn't even at the 'here is the problem' stage.

On each issue the customer raised, Sarah acknowledged how he felt and offered feedback to illustrate she understood his concerns. Momentarily, he would calm, but the most consistent piece of the conversation was the customer rejecting any piece of information that Sarah offered that might reassure him.

"Every time I responded he escalated," Sarah sighed.

Sarah found herself stumped. Our company was doing what we said we would do, but the customer wasn't happy. Unsure what the customer really wanted she felt almost out of options.

"Please help me understand what you need from me," Sarah asked.

Darren didn't really have an answer.

Now, it was time to put the issue back in his lap. Very gently she asked, "What would you like to do at this point?"

There was a brief moment of silence, then the customer replied, "I'm not sure."

We don't always get the outcome we're hoping for.

Desperate to reach some sort of conclusion, Sarah asked, 'Have we covered all the things you want to cover?'"

Then they hit pay dirt.

"I don't mean to come across harshly or abusive to you, I'm very concerned about what I've spent my money on," said Darren.

Sarah scrambled to calculate how she should respond, but before she could take a breath, Darren said, "Have a nice day."

Some problems we can't solve. The customer wanted something he couldn't easily articulate. But he wanted something. He expected something. The something to combat how the competition had changed, combat how his business model had changed, how our business model had changed. He wanted the illusive 'something' that would make things perfect in an imperfect world.

But most of all he wanted someone to listen.

I learned a few things from this discussion. When I'm knee deep in a conversation that's coming fast and furious and I feel like I'm not understanding what is being asked of me, I'll pose a couple of questions. They can be a quick quip when the other person takes a breath, such as, "Is there a question in there?" Or, if I'm completely confused, I may ask,  "Are you asking me to do something?"

That's the pivotal moment when I learn what their hopeful outcome is.

If I hear, "I just need to vent."I know exactly where we are in our exchange and what my role is. It's their way of saying, "Please listen to me."

Who is someone you can always count on to listen to you?

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This is your year

One of my friends read this to me at lunch.

"It's a new year. You have 360+ days to make this your best year yet. Don't focus on what you think the world needs. Focus on what makes you come alive. Because what this world needs most is a world filled with people who have passion. Do what you love and do it better than you ever have. This is your year."

From Bryan Thayer, motivational, inspirational speaker who shares from the heart.

Ditto from me to YOU!

Don't stop asking questions

One of my employees slipped into my cube white as a sheet

I glanced up.

He paused, took a breath, and from his back pocket pulled an 8-1/2 x 11 piece of paper. He unfolded it with shaking hands and it fluttered gently as he held it up so I could read it.

I recognized it. "Yes?" I said.

He swallowed and asked, "Have I done something wrong?"

I burst into laughter.

He had been summoned by the human resource department to a standard, mandatory training session. Because he is a new employee he had no idea it was a standard class. Because he is an employee who desires to inform himself and set something right had something been perceived incorrectly he came to me to get more information—even if it meant that he had committed a wrong.

His strained expression telegraphed he didn't understand. I apologized for laughing and explained the training is an ongoing class we rotate all the new employees into. It's designed to raise awareness when our actions offend someone else and provide guidelines and words for someone who has been offended to communicate that effectively.

His shoulders relaxed and he stuffed the paper back in his pocket. I thanked him profusely for broaching the question. He admitted he'd lost a bit of sleep over it.

No matter where we are in our careers if a question arises that causes us to lose sleep, worry or stress-out, we need to have the guts to push ourselves forward and put the question on the table. Tomorrow I'll check in and ask what he learned in the sexual harassment awareness training.

What's holding you back from asking your question?