Showing posts with label Melanie Sherman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Melanie Sherman. Show all posts

Saturday, September 24, 2011

The new black: Blackity-Black-Black

Photo: Centers for Disease Control, public domain.
Sometimes, at work, I'm presented with dilemmas which require a great deal of perspicacity. In fact, it isn't unusual for a group of us to skip our break and gather around a desk and brainstorm. It is hard work, but someone has to do it.

Yesterday I placed an order for some black material. You'd think that would be simple.

It wasn't.

This morning, the supplier wanted to know if I wanted black, or black/black.

"What is the difference?" I asked.

"Well, there is black, but the black/black is darker than the black," she explained.

"What could be darker than black?" I asked.

"Black/black is darker than black."

"Black/black isn't even a color," I accused. "Black/black is someone just saying black twice."

I could hear a pen tapping on the other end.

"I mean," I said, "you don't say blue/blue is darker than blue. You say navy blue is darker than sky blue, or periwinkle blue, or robin's egg blue. You don't just say there is blue, and there is blue/blue."

I heard a sigh. "Black/black is very black, darker than regular black."

"So what is the name of this black? It has to have a name. Is it end-of-the-world black? Or black-hole black?"

"Hmmm." I could hear her shuffling papers, as if she were looking at the data sheet. "It doesn't have a name other than black/black."

"Well, I think we want the black. But I'll check with the project manager, just in case we want the black/black."

I checked with both project managers and the document control person. This required some brainstorming and research, but it turned out we wanted the black, mostly because it was less expensive than the black/black, and more readily available.

But, it still concerned me that the manufacturer had not given the black/black a name. I mean, really. Would anyone say, "I'd like of can of gray/gray" in the Home Depot paint section?

Naturally, when I sent our supplier our answer, I also passed along this list to give to the manufacturer, as possible names for the black/black.

1. Zombie Black
2. Deep Space Black
3. New Moon on a Cloudy Night Black
4. Black Widow Black
5. Void Black
6. Absence-of-Light Black
7. Witch Hat Black (offered by Tami)
8. Doomsday Black (offered by Angela)

And what if we wanted a color darker than black/black? I offered this possibility:

1. Blackity Black Black

By the way, the above picture was taken by James Gathany and downloaded from Wikimedia commons with this note attached: This image is a work of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, part of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, taken or made during the course of an employee's official duties. As a work of the U.S. federal government, the image is in the public domain.

Glad they are watching out for us. Looks like their job is as difficult as mine.

******

Editor's Note: The supplier has become used to dealing with Melanie Sherman, and no one was hurt during the course of the above conversation. And, of course, thank you Melanie Sherman for sharing your post.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Fav quotes and Melanie Sherman's brain cells

A good blogger will make you think.

A great blogger will make you laugh.

Melanie Sherman delivers every time. Her post this week took us straight into the brain.

"It is said we only use 10% of our brain. I like to think of that 10% as a thriving metropolis, like New York City (and I'm the mayor). But as in NYC, there are brain cell murders going on, and drive-by shootings by the "Stress Gang." So if I started getting low on virtual memory, why wouldn't I get on Amazon.com and order some new cells from the suburbs of my brain (the 90%) that aren't being used, to be delivered into my memory center in the heart of my city? I mean, really, what are those brain cells in my suburbs doing, anyway?
So I did a little research and found out the brain cells I'm not currently using are all part of a National Park System in my brain, and they cannot be used for any other purpose. My brain is made up of 10% city, and 90% National Park." From Meanderings of Melanie.
Let's get out into the park service and collect our brains, and here's my favorite quotes of the week!

Found
Source
Quote
Fri,
Sep 9
Twitter “I thought I was an only child, but it seems I have a sister.” Bill Cameron, objecting.

Sat,
Sep 10
Facebook OH (overheard) by Ken Bilderback: “We didn’t make whiskey, and they didn’t milk cows.” 
Sun,
Sep 11
(Drawn. Not spoken). Original artwork from David Speranza, deaf cartoonist living in Vancouver. His work debuted here.
Mon,
Sep 12
Stories Matter“Write a book about idealism clashing with reality and the need for both to be present in our lives.” Chris Martin. [Amen]
Tue,
Sep 13
Twitter“OH by @TheClassicCarol: Nixon was the original Palin.”
Wed, Sep 14 Bike Portland “Nobody cares more about price than a newbie.” Michael Andersen, a guy who goes almost everywhere by carrying his bicycle on TriMet.
Thur, Sep 15 Blog “...a hormone called cortisol, which kills brain cells in the hippocampus (I think that was the campus where I lived during my college years--).” Melanie Sherman, covering the brain on her blog.




Saturday, August 6, 2011

The shredder, the closet and the business woman's strategy




How important are you to your company? A while ago I would have ranked myself somewhere between the guy who blows the leaves out of our parking lot twice a year and the woman who empties our trash and recycling containers twice a week.

But then I remembered a lesson I learned as a teenager.

My cousin, Karen, and I watched the original version of The Nutty Professor. In that movie, Jerry Lewis drinks a potion and changes from the nerdy professor to a handsome heart-throb. When the movie was over we reasoned that the only difference between the absentminded, dweeby professor and the suave, sophisticated Buddy Love was attitude.

Buddy Love personified self-confidence. Who doesn’t want to be around someone with self-confidence? When the plane is going to crash, I want to be next to the individual I think will be able to get us out alive. I want to be strapped in beside someone calm, confident and not likely to panic in a crisis.

For a week after seeing the movie, Karen and I strutted about, kissing mirrors and saying things like, “I’m not saying I’m perfect; it is just that I’ve never met anyone better." At the end of the week, we were still the same girls, but now we had attitude.

We were awesome.

As I mentioned in the last post, I work in a closet. Besides the filing cabinets, printer and fire extinguisher, there used to be a shredder squeezed between my chair and the wall. Important people from all over the company would swagger in and stand behind me to shred their crucial documents. It became distracting, not only because it is eerie to have someone stand behind me, but because I wasn’t important enough to use the shredder myself. Nothing I did was all that essential. When left alone with the machine it would jeer at me, pointing out my insignificance.

And then I remembered Buddy Love.

I sat up straight. Who is to decide how important a piece of paper is? Me. My dang papers were fabulously influential.

I stooped over and dug out all the papers from my recycling bin, mostly duplicate bills, shrunkled paper (yes, I’m important enough to make up my own words) I’d pulled from the jammed copier and empty envelopes previously housing invoices. These were all very important.

I shredded them.

Then, throughout the day, I’d shred the cover sheets to faxes and any inter-office memo with my name on it. Even sticky notes became exceedingly critical.

“Melanie, what the heck are you shredding in there?” my boss finally shouted one day. “I hear the shredder going all the time.”

“Just some important documents,” I yelled over the din of the devilish device.

One day I fired up the machine and stuck the end of my important document into the shredder. My boss walked in. Over the racket of the motor and the snarling teeth chomping proprietary information into indiscernible fragments of confetti, she yelled, “What are you shredding?”

I jumped and whirled around, my eyes widening. There was nothing for it. I had to tell her the truth.

“My adding machine tape,” I said.

Her mouth dropped open.

“We wouldn’t want our competition to see our numbers, would we?” I explained.

The next day they took the shredder out of the closet and put it in the front of the office area where the rest of the accounting staff sits to “allow easier access for everyone in the company.”

I miss the shredder. I’ve gone back to throwing the empty envelopes into the recycling bin and I rarely shred my fax cover sheets. Maybe what I miss most is the weighty feeling of consequence. But I have to admit, I don’t seem to miss the "important" people hovering behind me.
Karen said...
I do not remember ever kissing a mirror. That was your other cousin.
8:52 PM

Melanie Sherman said...
Karen, We did too. We slathered on lipstick and kissed the mirror, muttering how wonderful we were the whole time. My mother wondered why there were suddenly lip prints all over the glass. I had to clean it after you left.
9:14 PM

jenku said...
I wonder how it feels to kiss a mirror...
12:01 AM

Melanie Sherman said...
Jens, My advice is to approach the mirror while giving yourself a barrage of compliments.
11:31 AM

jenku said...
Well, dear Melanie, being all for trying things I've never done before I can now reveal that it feels nothing but cold.
12:32 PM

Karen said...
BTW I love your title - you have such a sharp mind.
Too bad you're such a fabricateur'.
7:33 PM

PLA Anderson said...
Wonderfully funny! Thanks Mel!
And thanks for the reminder to stay confident, to have 'attitude,' despite how we truly feel about ourselves (most of the time). (=
4:18 PM

Melanie Sherman said...
PLA Anderson, Thanks. I've got all sorts of attitude.
8:29 PM

Anonymous said...
Ha ha ha ha! Adding machine tape! -Nina
4:07 AM

Melanie Sherman said...
Nina, Who knows what important information could be obtained by an adding machine tape? Better safe than sorry, I always say.
9:15 AM

Carolyn J. Rose said...
Made me run for the closet, get out the shredder, and get to work on the journals from my single years. Wouldn't want our mutual friend Carol to get hold of those and tweet them out to the immediate universe.
1:56 PM
Originally Posted by Melanie Sherman as: The Earnestness of Being Important.




Sunday, July 10, 2011

Last Week's Favorite Quotes

People say the darnedest things online. But apparently, no one said anything of merit on Tuesday.

Help me find something! Thanks :-)


Date    Source    Quote   
July 1, 2011 Twitter "If you want to achieve things in life, you've just got to do them!" Sally Sharp
July 2, 2011 ??
July 3, 2011 Blog"Fail at creating a culture of excellence and customer focus, and nothing else a leader does will compensate for that failure."
Augie Ray
July 4 2011 Blog "It is a mistake to believe that your offerings always provide an advantage against smaller competitors." Anthony Iannarino
July 5, 2011 Blog "If business is moving at light speed, and your prospect/client is busier and more distracted than ever, making cameo appearances won’t get you noticed dude!" Paul Castain
July 6, 2011 Blog"Rejection. It’s as much a part of my writing life as carpal tunnel syndrome, brain cramps, and a butt that looks best in a bathrobe." Carolyn J. Rose
July 7, 2011 Gmail "Compared to a year ago, websites have seen reduced pages / visit, average time on site, as well as bounce rate." Google Analytics Benchmarking Newsletter
July 8, 2011 Twitter "I'm going to bring the male curtsy in to vogue. Who's with me?" Matt Kinshella 
July 9, 2011 Twitter What? You can't make money online? :(
Melanie Sherman